


What Was Left Behind

by Logicool



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, No Sex, Old Married Spirk Challenge, One Shot, cute fluff, full of TOS quotes, literally just sweet old married spirk, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29395698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Logicool/pseuds/Logicool
Summary: Jim and Spock are retired. You would think they'd be happy, Spock thought so too. But Jim feels otherwise. Spock aims to find out what's wrong.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock, James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45
Collections: SPIRK IS LIFE





	What Was Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Hey people!  
> Spirk gives me so much feels :,)  
> I hope you enjoy this!!!  
> <3

“Captain’s log, stardate 43-”

“Ashayam, why do you do that?” Spock says with that perplexed expression of his.

James T Kirk and S'chn T'gai Spock have been retired from Starfleet for over three years now. Yet every day Jim fills out his personal _captain’s_ log. Spock initially dismissed it as old habits, however after these three years, his curiosity finally piqued.

Jim looks at his husband then out the big window of their small San Francisco apartment, up at the sky, up to space, the truly final frontier. “It gives me emotional security.” He smiles, but his eyes don’t have that same sparkle that Spock always found to be pleasing.

“Have you forgotten that we are bonded? Jim…” He walks up to him and puts his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Kirk could have sworn he saw worry in Spock’s eyes. “I guess I know better than to hide things from you.” He chuckles and touches Spock’s arm, like they used to back in the old days, on the Enterprise. “Don’t you miss it?”

“Miss what?” 

“The Enterprise. The adventure!” Jim squeezes Spock’s arm and a big smile spreads across his face. “The good old days! Ha ha!” That lovely spark returning to his eyes.

Spock then realises that their feelings and nostalgia about the service differ greatly. “The _good old days,_ Ashayam?” He looks up and out the window at the fast approaching summer sunset, the sky seems to be burning with light. “Would those be the days when your life was in constant danger? When I had to wonder whether I would see you again in the evening?” 

The Vulcan spoke in an unemotional way, an almost monotone speech. But his husband can read beyond that.

“Oh, Spock… I didn’t mean it _that_ way!” He grabs Spock’s other arm. “Being the Captain, I couldn’t be open about our relationship, about my affection for you. It would’ve been ‘unprofessional’…” He steps closer to the Vulcan. “You don’t realise how happy I am to be with you now, like we always wanted to. Now I can shout things like ‘I love you’ in front of the whole world!” He chuckles.

“I do realise that. But something’s missing.” Spock considered Jim as his t’hy’la for a very long time. Their souls are one. “You are a very dynamic individual. You enjoy being active. I fear that you’re suffering from boredom here.”

“Well…” Jim lets go of Spock and looks down at his feet. “Sometimes the days feel a little… empty?” He then shakes his head rather abruptly. “But going back to the field is too dangerous! We’re not young men anymore… Like you said, what if one of us doesn’t come back? I’ve already lost you more times than I can bear.”

“Starfleet isn’t the only place in the galaxy to find adventure and excitement at. We could always-”

“No, no. I _have_ had enough… I just... feel… a little guilty... about leaving.”

“The next generation has taken over responsibility for this galaxy. You deserve rest , Ashayam.”

“How do I do that?” Jim laughs and puts a hand to his forehead. “All my life I worked and worked and moved onwards and onwards… never stopping, never resting… what now?”

He exhales loudly and contemplates with himself for a second. “Let me teach you Vulcan meditation.” Spock motions to the carpet for Jim to sit down. His husband traces his hand down the Vulcan’s arm and sits on the carpet, Spock follows suit and sits in front of him.

“Now, the key to meditation is the ability to clear one’s mind.” Spock reaches out both his hands and Jim puts his in Spock’s. “Imagine that all your thoughts are an ocean in which you’re swimming, most likely a turbulent one. Now, imagine that you are floating above those thoughts, rising higher, as you feel the ocean calm around you. You look around... It’s quiet... Notice the colours, the smells, the air. Notice all the things you’ve ignored.”

 _‘Notice all the things you’ve ignored?’_ Jim thinks to himself. _‘Oh no… how could I have been so stupid?_ Jim feels the warmth of his husband’s hands and listens to the smoothness of his voice. _‘I’ve been so distant lately… of course he never would have told me directly… he… misses me?’_

“Spock.” Jim whispers and looks into the Vulcan’s eyes.

“Yes?” Spock matches his gaze.

Jim smiles and holds out two fingers. “You do know I love you, right?”

Spock raises an eyebrow in his usual manner, but holds out his two fingers as well, and presses them to Jim’s. “I know.”

Jim could have sworn he saw his husband smile.

All that doubt disappeared when Spock held Jim’s face with his other hand and kissed him. A human kiss.

Kirk knows of Spock’s internal conflicts. Vulcan versus human. He knows how hard it is for Spock to express emotion, to express love. So over the years, Jim has learnt to decipher all of Spock’s little mannerisms. All of Spock’s microexpressions of affection. Things like touching his husband’s arm and so forth. 

But even the most ignorant man could tell that a human kiss means “I love you, too.”


End file.
